Abby Govindan first went viral in 2018 at age 20 by garnering a huge following on X through relatable takes on being a first-gen American. Thousands retweeted her jokes about being the daughter of immigrant parents and she seemed prime for stardom.
But her social media presence offered few clues about her internal struggles, and two years later, she was hospitalized after trying to take her own life.
And now she’s telling her tale at SoHo Playhouse in an 80-minute solo-act and stand-up show titled “How to Embarrass Your Immigrant Parents.”
“The show is the story of how I told my parents I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, how our relationship fell apart because of it and how we built our relationship back up together after my brief stint in a mental hospital following a suicide attempt,” she said while sitting beside her mother in the theater’s basement bar.
Govindan partnered with comedians Hasan Minhaj and Daniel Sloss, who are producing the off-Broadway show, to bring it to New York after a sold-out nationwide run in cities including Boston and Seattle. Govindan, the child of Indian immigrants, grew up in Houston but lives in New York. She has won rave reviews here and abroad for her candid reflections on navigating family drama, cultural identity, internet fame and mental health challenges.
Abby Govindan with her mother.
Govindan said that being emotionally open wasn't the norm in South Asian households. She said that her dad, for instance, is not verbally affectionate, and she always felt like they were speaking different languages.
“My dad has never in his life said the words ‘I love you’ to me,” she said.
But Govindan said her story is about learning how to “extend empathy” and how to understand each other a little better.
“We’re finding ways to communicate," she said. "Every single time I come to Houston, he buys these little tangerines, because he knows it's my favorite fruit.”
It wasn’t easy for Govindan to break through such deep-rooted “conditioning” and reconnect with her family. But she knew that openness, honesty and humor was the key to challenging norms, she said.
'We’re messy, complicated people and that makes beautiful art.'
Minhaj also said that laughter creates connection. The comedy icon said he started supporting Govindan because he knew how financially stressful producing solo work can be. He was also excited by comedy’s potential to unite different generations and allow them to see new perspectives.
“It’s been great to see the rise of a multitude of different comedians with different voices,” he said in an email. “We’re messy, complicated people and that makes beautiful art.”
Minhaj is also the child of immigrant parents: He was born in Northern California to Muslim Indian parents. He said that he was glad to see new South Asian American voices in comedy.
“It's important that we add our chapter to the book of American storytelling and stand-up comedy,” Minhaj said by email. “No one is going to do it for us, so we have to be the editors and framers of our experience.”
Govindan, now 27, isn’t shy about her life in her new show, in which she shares details of her struggles — internet trolls telling her to end her life, her parents’ disapproval and her previously undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
She said her parents, who are private people and “grew up in a different cultural climate,” originally hated her openness. She exposed their family group chat online and opened up about their arguments. In the years since, however, they’ve tried to meet her in the middle.
For years, Govindan said she saw her mother and father as “evil immigrant parents who are out to destroy my dreams.” They couldn’t understand why their daughter didn’t want to pursue something more financially stable, like finance or medicine. Her internet presence eroded their relationship, and they struggled to see eye to eye.
“The time she was in the hospital was very traumatic for me,” said the comic's mom, Kalyani Govindan. Kalyani Govindan also wrestled with the idea of her daughter returning to comedy and the public eye.
Through patience, they’ve found common ground. “That’s her calling,” Kalyani Govindan said. “Who am I to stop her from doing it?”
“My decision to tell this story was a lot of me telling my parents, ‘Trust me. I know that in the past, me sharing in a humongous way didn’t bode well for us,” Abby Govindan said. “But trust me, this time around.’”
Today, her shows attract what she describes as a “cult following” of young adults and their parents, many of whom line up to speak with her afterward. Abby Govindan said it’s exhausting, but also an honor to be a “torchbearer” for conversations that destigmatize mental illness in the South Asian community.
Confronting these sensitive subjects makes both the younger generation and their immigrant parents feel less alone, she said. Most of her peers relate to her family problems. Parents, on the other hand, have come up to Govindan to share that hearing her story made them realize that nothing is more important than their child’s happiness.
A trailblazer
Govindan doesn’t consider herself a trailblazer, but her fans certainly do.
“The fact that she's sticking true to her creative side and to her passion — it's a testament to everything that can be possible in the community,” said Raza Rahman, 27, who’s seeing Govindan’s show this week.
Another fan, comedian Aneri Shah, 37, discovered Govindan through social media. Shah got her own start performing stand-up in New York’s comedy scene years before internet celebrities were common.
“Ten years ago, there were not very many South Asian comics, and there were not as many Abbys,” she said. “I remember feeling kind of lonely sometimes. At most of my shows I was the only woman, and definitely the only South Asian woman.”
Thanks to social media, Shah said, the tide is turning. She has access to more female and South Asian comics, which she finds motivating.
“I think South Asian women specifically are really uncomfortable with vulnerability,” she said, adding that for years she felt judgement from all sides for opening up about her personal life — including writing skits about her abortion or sex life. Today, comedians like Govindan are finally normalizing private topics. “Now there’s this opportunity to remind them that it’s OK.”
Comedian Pooja Reddy has loved seeing Govindan’s sets over the years. Her own comedy show, “Kutti Gang,” translates to "b---- squad" in Hindi, she said. She said their work presents an unfiltered (and, she added, sometimes “unhinged”) peek into South Asian communities.
Shayoni Mitra, a Barnard professor whose research includes contemporary South Asian media, said social media is rapidly changing the comedy landscape. But while it “flattens the hierarchy” comedians often face, it also reduces the “expertise” and “cultural sensitivity” found in traditional criticism, leading to the kind of cyberbullying that Govindan faced.
Mitra, who’s also attending this week’s show, also recognizes the power in this “real generational shift” thanks to social media, and how it’s allowing more young people to confront and even reshape cultural stereotypes.
Govindan takes a simpler approach.
“Stay true to yourself,” she said. “In my experience, that’s the best marketing tactic.”
“How to Embarrass Your Immigrant Parents” is on from March 19 through March 22 at the SoHo Playhouse. Tickets start at around $52.
New York and New Jersey have resources for anyone experiencing mental health crises, including those considering suicide. You can reach the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time by calling or texting 988, or by chatting online, to be connected for free local mental health resources and emergency counselors. Health officials advise anyone observing warning signs of suicidal ideation to call for help or take the person to an emergency room for immediate care.
