Gareth O'Callaghan: Asking for Angela shouldn’t be necessary — so why is it?

Misogyny begins its journey in the family home, because a sexist household that normalises chauvinism and sexual discrimination is the perfect breeding ground for boys to grow up to be men who hate women

That’s a given, whether parents agree with it or not.

But I can recall a time when, perhaps along with an old-fashioned type of masculinity, chivalry was also hardwired into the moral code, whether it meant giving up your seat on a crowded bus to a woman, or simply holding a door open for her. Simple gestures of kindness that honoured women — something that modern toxic masculinity despises.

But chivalry is all but dead. In its wake, a fanatical wave of misogyny, along with a far more virulent form of masculinity, is now threatening the safety of women everywhere.

There was a time when masculinity meant being a strong provider, enjoying a couple of pints in the local, and playing sport with the lads. It went hand-in-hand with that old-fashioned chivalry.

Later, metrosexuals, led by David Beckham, changed that definition. They looked after their image, they wore moisturisers and exfoliated, and bought jewellery and expensive aftershave; but then something sinister happened.

The internet was planting the seed for another type of maleness. It became a male power-turned-toxic, on what is now known as the ‘manosphere’ — a loose network of blogs, forums, and websites that resembles a mental sewer dedicated to men’s derailed thinking. Typically, many of these forums cultivate misogyny, encouraging hate towards women. Anything that emboldens hate inherently prompts violence.

It’s disgusting to think that some twisted sense of satisfaction could result from punching or threatening to kill a woman. But for a misogynist it does. And the men who get their kicks from this are not always obvious to the rest of us. 

In the past couple of years we have seen some terrible examples of men in uniforms designed to show trust and protection, inflicting the worst violence on women.

Former soldier Cathal Crotty was jailed for two years in January by Ms Justice Isobel Kennedy at the Court of Appeal for a “brutal and unprovoked” attack on Natasha O’Brien in Limerick. Documenting his attack on Snapchat compounded his offence, she said.

But, lest we forget — it took the DPP’s appeal against the original three-year suspended sentence handed down to Crotty by Judge Tom O’Donnell before the disgraced soldier ended up behind bars.

Last March, former garda Mark Doyle was jailed for six years, after pleading guilty to six charges of assault causing harm to his former wife and her four children over a 12-year period. 

During that time, he admitted to punching her, twice perforating her eardrum, cutting her with a zip, kicking her with boots as she lay helpless on the ground, dragging her down the hallway by her hair, and choking her.

You would be forgiven for wondering what his impressions were whenever he was called out to domestic disputes.

In July 2022, another former garda, Paul Moody, became one of the first people in the State to be jailed for a campaign of coercive control against his ex-partner Nicola Hanney, who had stage four cancer at the time of the offences.

All three of these violent misogynists once wore uniforms that vowed a duty of care to society’s most vulnerable, but they abused their privileges by inflicting injuries and emotional misery on those who they knew were vulnerable.

Some violent deaths of women dominate the headlines for months — Ashling Murphy’s appalling murder three years ago shocked the nation. But many other women have been killed since Ashling Murphy, with far less coverage or outrage. Women’s Aid femicide tracker shows that this year to date, five women in Ireland have died violently.

Women’s Aid figures show that 55% of women who die violently in Ireland are killed by their intimate partners, but there also is a substantial number of women dying here at the hands of their sons, something that is rarely talked about. There were 173 mothers killed by their own sons in the UK last year, and it's probable that the rate in Ireland per head of population is not so different.

Violence against women has always been an issue, but as a society and thanks to the manosphere, we are in danger of becoming more hardened to it

 If that happens, women haters will go on killing, while encouraging others to do the same. We’re still not acknowledging how dangerous the hate landscape is so rapidly becoming.

Women’s safety has never been guaranteed, although you’d have been forgiven for thinking we’d made huge strides in recent decades, largely due to the bravery of women in coming forward to speak about what they’ve been through. But now the internet is driving society backwards in its treatment of women.

Hatred of women is built into the structures of our society. Our education is built on it.

We all learned in school that Mary Magdalene was a “sinful woman” or a prostitute, despite evidence to the contrary in the canonical Gospels. Pope Gregory decided this in 591, but it wasn't until 1969 that church leaders admitted she had been “mistakenly identified” as a sex worker.

Historians believe she was a very wealthy woman of great social status and a devout spiritual follower, who was closer to Jesus than any of his other disciples; but because the church hierarchy felt threatened by her and by women in general, they destroyed her good name.

In recent years, an increasing number of American teachers have refused to teach Shakespeare, saying the Bard’s classical works promote misogyny, homophobia and racism. 

Selfishness, anxiety and jealousy felt by the men in many of Shakespeare’s plays leads them to control the women’s sexuality, which is precisely the dynamic of today’s manosphere.

A history of exposure to chauvinism and misogyny has made toxic men what they are; but now — inflamed by proud misogynist Andrew Tate and his millions of male teenage followers — the mindless brainwashing of an entire generation has reached grotesque levels.

Tate, who was arrested in Romania in 2022 on suspicion of rape and human trafficking, advocates male supremacy and celebrates misogyny. He was recently released from custody in Romania, flying by private jet to America.

Despite reports that the Trump administration had lobbied their Romanian colleagues to ease restrictions on Tate and his brother while they face charges, the president claimed he knew “nothing about that”.

Masculinity is littered with clichés — strong, fearless, bold, competitive — but when these virtues mask the unchecked belief that being dependent on a woman undermines what it means to be a man, then hate and violence slowly fester. 

For as long as women need to Ask For Angela, we are not doing enough to stop it.