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Florida Man Panics After Impeachment Vote; Moves to Florida
Florida Man Panics After Impeachment Vote; Moves to Florida Tasos Katopodis / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I know I may come off quiet, I may come off shy. But I feel like talking, feel like dancing, when I see this guy. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

According to the latest New York Times poll of Iowa voters, Elizabeth Warren is leading the Democratic pack just three points ahead of Bernie Sanders and four points ahead of Pete Buttigieg. Biden has dropped to fourth place. Here's your regular reminder that I will happily vote for any of these people instead of Trump, and when you shit-talk the person I like best, it makes me dislike your candidate more. Be cool.

In yesterday's successful vote in the House which approved impeachment proceedings, it should come as no surprise that every single Republican voted against it. GOOD. This will help our case when it comes time to vote them all out of office.

In retaliation, Trump says he's going to deliver a "fireside chat" in which he'll do a staged reading of the Ukraine call which he thinks will prove his innocence. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! He can't read.

A Washington Post poll indicates that while 49 percent of respondents think Trump should be impeached and removed from office, 47 percent think he should not. It's worth remembering that a similar situation happened just as the Watergate impeachment trials started.

Trump has decided he is no longer a resident of New York, and has made his official residence Palm Beach, Florida. And now... let the "Florida Man" jokes begin!

In other "Florida Man" news: "School principal fired for saying 'I can't say the Holocaust is a factual event'."

Elizabeth Warren has revealed her plan for paying for "Medicaid for All" which protects the middle class while taxing businesses and the wealthy.

Rep. Katie Hill may have been forced to resign after nude photos and her affair with a former campaign staffer were revealed, but she went down swinging against the double-standards of the patriarchy.

Nearly 20 writers and editors from the "stick to sports" website Deadspin have walked off the job thanks to shitty, overbearing, and greedy management. Our Robert Ham has the details and why this situation is a microcosm for the state of modern media.

BREAKING:

Google has purchased Fitbit in a $2.1 billion deal that intends to go head to head with Apple's smartwatch.

The most infuriating sentence you will read all day: "A court in Barcelona cleared five men of sexual assault charges on Thursday after saying the crime did not fit the legal definition of rape because the unconscious teenage victim didn't fight back."

Here's some good news: New York City is investing $1.7 billion for 250 bike lanes and pedestrian space across the city in an effort to "break car culture."

IN LOCAL NEWS: Super rich insurance companies are trying to squirm out of paying their fair share of the Portland Clean Energy Initiative tax, because.. they are super rich insurance companies. Get the details from our Blair Stenvick.

NOPE, NOPE, NOPE: "Portland elementary student brought crack cocaine to school and pressured a younger child into eating it." (The victim is apparently fine. Phew.)

Two Portland teens have been charged with murdering a 65-year-old while trying to steal his car. Our Blair Stenvick has more.

Hey! Who wants to watch some great DIY porn seated next to strangers? YOU DO. Tickets for HUMP! 2019 are right here. Trust me, you won't regret it.

Now let's peep the WEATHER: A sunnier, and somewhat warmer day with a high of 58, and lots more sun to come.

And finally, IT'S NOVEMBER 1, EVERYBODY! And you know what that means....